|My hair today.|
I might do it anyway.
I got tired of all the dishes I'd been cooking: baked chicken with steamed vegetables, steamed vegetables and rice, butter beans and rice, and so on. I ate restaurant food three dinners in a row and felt terrible. My feet swelled. (Restaurant food is so salty! I eat a low-sodium diet.) Yesterday, I decided that I must eat something new and I have to make it myself. So, I went to a variety of grocery stores and procured my ingredients.
Today, I cooked Ethiopian-style red lentil stew and rice-only onigiri (seasoned with Japanese rice seasoning). I've never made either of those things before. Instead of my usual oatmeal and a banana, I made eggs en cocotte for breakfast: an egg atop spinach, tomatoes, mushrooms, and cheese, baked in a ramekin for fifteen minutes. I also ate strawberries--my first of the season!--and a Korean melon, which I'd never had before. (It's small and yellow, looks like a pumpkin, and tastes like honeydew.)
I got tired of working on dating. I'm letting it drop. It's too exhausting and it hurts my (previously thought to be impervious to attack) self-esteem. I'd rather be alone and feeling awesome about myself than be alone while feeling ridiculous about how I'm going about trying not to be alone anymore.
It's that Strong Black Woman stereotype thing that I'm playing into...but I can't help it. To quote Janet Jackson, "I want to be the one in control."
I wonder what else I can change to make things better?